Today we'll work with the good old 'how-to' genre. Write a 'list poem' (or a regular poem) or a piece of prose that explains various ways or steps in how-to do something.
Today's how-to is...
How to whitewash your previous places of residence.
(Consider using the worse aspects of the residence and make an absurd argument for how they aren't a negative but a positive. Also consider framing this as a passive aggressive yelp review.)
